A Friday afternoon with mother Hsiao

PREFACE TO "A Friday Afternoon With Mother Hsiao"

Mother Hsiao passed away on January 12th, 2009. I attended her memorial service at Saint Andrew's Presbyterian Church in Redondo Beach, California on January 17th. She was honored, praised, and remembered with love, respect and fond memory by her family, friends, and people who had received her help. When Peggy asked me whether I, who had the honor and pleasure to know her mother, would write an article in remembrance of mother Hsiao, this writing jumped into my mind instantly. I respectfully dedicate this work to late Mother Hsiao and her family.

Peggy was devastated when her father, Dr. Hwachyuan Hsiao slipped into coma in his sleep on June 27, passed away six days later on July 3 at age 92. After the funeral, she wrote a moving, heartfelt account of his passing, how everyone in her family survived the loss, and how they celebrated his life. Peggy has such a a stout heart and is such a caring soul that in her grief her only concern was the well-being of her mother and her family.

I met Peggy in Hopping church when I was away from home to college in Taipei. At age 18, I didn't know a thing about the world, didn't know how to take care of myself, was very confused and very unhappy, and was very much homesick as I was never left home before that. I struggled through most of my college years, got invited to Hopping church, though I stayed there until graduation I didn't quite grip the significance of the role and work that the Hsiao's family served for the church.

It was when I had an acute episode of diarrhea that Dr. Hsiao treated me free of charge and Isa took me into her home for care that planted the seed of my friendship with Peggy, to my delight, that got developed years later in America, and to my regret, that I didn't have the chance to develop it with Isa.

After Graduate School in the early 1980's, I took my first job at Hamilton Sundstrand, an aerospace company, in Rockford, Illinois. In the meantime, Peggy's husband did his residency at the University of Wisconsin-Madison medical center. I got reconnected with Peggy then and visited her often as it's only an hour drive from Rockford to Madison.

Two years later, I took an offer with American Airlines, relocated to its technology center in Tulsa, Oklahoma. I lost contact with Peggy until in 1986 when her husband started his practice in Southern California, and Fireman's Fund offered to move me to its headquarter in San Rafael, a lovely town north of Golden Gate Bridge. We met once again when I drove down to LA in the Spring of 1987.

As it often happened in life that people meet, go different ways as life demands cares that leave little time and energy for anything else, then reunite again by divine intervention. I lost contact with Peggy again until in the Autumn of 2004 when my second-cousin Shirley invited me to her church retreat in Southern California over the Labor Day long weekend. I didn't know that Peggy and Shirley have been attending the same church, Peggy didn't know Shirley and I were related, and Shirley didn't know that Peggy and I had known each other since I was 18. What a wonderful reunion! I was ecstatic! Since then, whenever I was down in LA, be for leisure of for business, I paid visits to Peggy's parents in Torrence.

I sent my condolence to mother Hsiao when Dr. Hsiao passed away, spoke with her over the phone a few weeks later. When Peggy told me that her mother was coming up north to Palo Alto to stay with her daughter and son-in-law (Bernice & Wenjai) during the last week of August, I called Bernice to plan my visit with them in a Friday afternoon.

Mother Hsiao, Bernice, and Wenjai received me warmly when I got to Palo Alto. Seeing mother Hsiao, my heart ached as I did when seeing my own Mom after the passing of my Dad in 2005. From my Mom, I understand how trying it is for woman who lost her beloved husband of more than sixty years. I just wanted to do something to cheer her up, to spoil her, just like I have been doing for my Mom.

I inquired about her health, made a fuss of her needing to gain a few pounds, just trying to find something that I could do for her. To my surprise, Mother Hsiao took my hand, walked over to the dinning table, sat down with me side by side, started inquiring me about how I have been doing, about my family, and about my marital status, the one thing that I don't talk too much about. Obviously, she cares! even in her own grief! So, I started showing her the pictures that I took for my nephew's wedding in Taiwan in May on my digital camera. I was so animated, happily explaining the scenes and people in the pictures, thought that it would be entertaining to her. But I wonder now whether I did the right thing then.

Mother Hsiao also talked about the events that led to the passing of her late husband, how they met, the obstacles that they had to overcome to get married, how they worked hard in their life together, her outstanding children and grandchildren, the joy of having great-grandchildren, and of her concern for her son's family since her late daughter-in-law passed away last year. As a matriarch of the big Hsiao's family, she cares about everyone while still grieving quietly in silence, thought I. I couldn't help admiring her for her strength and her deep faith in God.

Time went fast, two hours had passed since I arrived. Her granddaughter Janet took a picture of mother Hsiao and me, and the fruit tart that we all enjoyed very much.

I lingered a little longer speaking with Bernice and Wenjai, had a 20-minute chair massage, visited their yard, finally bade my farewell, mother Hsiao took my hand and walked me over to my car.

Driving home to San Rafael, the image of mother Hsiao and what she said kept playing back vividly in my mind. What an amazing lady she is!